I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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