Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
