he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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