8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
