im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
