Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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