yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
