There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
