I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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