I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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