She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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