I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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