That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
