Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
