This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
