i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
