Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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