The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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