Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
