Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
