Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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