so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
