i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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