Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
