I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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