Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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