Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
