You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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