Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
