if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
