i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
