there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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