Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
