Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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