I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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