I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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