I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
