the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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