You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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