Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
They should really pass out barf bags in church
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
