I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
