How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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