I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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