dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
