that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
