you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it's like iHOP with fire
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Randomize
