i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
