If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
