dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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