i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
