smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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