Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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