I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
