So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
